I remember coaching a couple regarding self sabotage and their marriage. Many years ago in the marriage, the wife started to have eyes for another and her behavior became completely detrimental to the marriage and the small family they had. I had to initially explain that females today are drowned in a tsunami of negative role modelling, regarding infidelity, lying and deceit (I call this “The Bad Mom’s Effect)………which in the end is sometimes mimicked by the female, simply because humans are proven to mimic what they see on any screen. (male or female, it doesn’t matter) Most negative media role modelling today is directed toward the female. My suggestion there was to curtail all mainstream TV and movie watching or at least to be aware of how mind control works and to pick out the negative role modelling directed toward females, if TV and movies we’re going to be viewed.

Although the incident that rocked and marriage happened almost a decade ago, it had come up again when the wife starting exhibiting similar behaviors that “set the husband off”. Now, although the wife is openly declaring nothing is happening at the moment and that she’s completely committed to her marriage, I had to explain to them once again how the brain works. Inside the brain of the husband, his hippocampus and amygdala are imprinted with the past fear based behaviors of the wife and those parts of his brain have already ranked everything having to do with the past incident as “red alert – danger/danger”. The wife can’t ever change that or reprogram the mind of the husband. That’s not going to happen. Once the hippocampus and amygdala are imprinted with a fear response, that fear response is now permanent and can’t be “wished” away” by any partner who wants their spouse to “simply forget about things and move on”. This is the problem with breaking trust, the person who breaks trust has no real idea the amount of work they’ll need to put forward in the future, to keep the relationship peaceful. If they did, they would rarely break that trust in the first place. So in order to keep the relationship at peace, the wife literally has to make sure not to trigger the husband’s fear response by mimicking any of her past behavior. The husband as well, needs to work on things from his end, to keep his mind out of the fear response and to keep healthy living, deep breathing and many other “frontal lobe activating” exercises going in his life. The frontal lobe (the part of the mind near our forehead) is what can logically judge reality as reality. The part of the mind activated by fear has no capacity to judge reality as reality. Fear makes you dumb and illogical. Live in the fear response and nothing’s going to work in life, let alone a successful marriage.

Things like coffee, alcohol, junk food, medication, scary movies, PTSD media (like CNN) will already prime the husband’s mind to become flooded with fear based hormones……..which makes him easier to trigger if his wife’s behavior even smells a fraction like it did in the past. Basically if the husband drank a coffee for breakfast, had fast food for lunch and drank some wine at night……….you can expect him to be a complete raging lunatic for weeks on end. The solutions I tabled were simple….a) know how the mind works and stop trying wish away the past – work with the brain chemistry to maximize the stability of the marriage b) stop polluting yourself with mental media poison and chemical poison because if you do, it triggers everything dark in the human psyche c) the wife must be very careful now not to mimic the behaviors of her past d) the husband must practice other exercises to keep the brain out of the fear response, since he’s not so easily triggered and e) communication must be open to a massive extent, so connection is increased between the couple, which really brings the fear response under control.