I’m driving home and I see a harsh looking lady spiting on her lawn, coffee in one hand and a cigarette in another. What humans need to know about anyone else, is always set in how that person treats themselves. This woman thinks that “care” is about self abuse, self destruction and sedation. Toxic coffee plus a poisonous cigarette….do we really think she eats organic or takes deep care of herself in any other aspect of her life? You already know the answer because the way we do one thing is the way we do everything. If this woman had a companion, she would apply this same dysfunctional love model to her partner, which she applies to herself. You can only love others, the same way you’ve learned to love yourself.
I remember a guy I knew, who did plenty of cocaine and he thought “love” was “snorting cocaine”. To him, there was no greater love. So one day he got a bonus at work and promptly marched in a big bag of cocaine to his new romantic partner and slide it across the kitchen table. The romantic partner was insulted and taken back. My friend didn’t understand because according to his damaged psyche, he was simply loving her, the same way he always loved himself. To him his actions said “I love you” (with the present of cocaine) and he was deeply wounded that she rejected his dysfunctional form of love. His love model was about pain, self sadism and the fine art of being less inside a society where less is celebrated, supported and promoted. In our society, there’s a “safety” in being less and messy, but of course it’s a trap.
This is a funny sort of story because in our modern time, most people hunt their romantic partners in bars or other unhealthy venues, where people self abuse and self destroy as an Olympic sport………and then people wonder why the relationships don’t work out. If you’re looking for a romantic partner then go out and start looking………but understand that everything you need to know about how they’ll treat you, can be found in how they treat themselves.
Timely article. I have just started seeing someone who self abuses and I’m trying to figure out whether he can be persuaded to stop smoking and drinking too much wine. Is it a lost cause or can such a person be persuaded to self love?