Two buddies recently experienced the unexpected death of a close friend. The friend that died was young, which left everyone who remained contemplating heavily on the meaning of life. One of the two buddies in this story started to become even more healthy than he already was. The other friend, started to be more self destructive.. The healthy person, after experiencing fear, became more healthy and logical. The self destructive person became more illogical and self abusive. The self destructive friend said, “I’m living every day like it’s my last” and of course the healthy person (not wanting to die at too early an age) went to the extreme with his health. What’s going on here psychologically?

This is how a person’s coping mechanisms affect their quality of life. When we’re in fear, we apply harder what we already know, to provide ourselves with the illusion of control …..that we need to stay sane inside an unsane situation. The person in this story who’s self destructive developed this coping mechanism to the fear and pain of every day life. Most of our coping mechanisms are dysfunctional because we bring them with us from childhood. Addictions and self destructive behaviors are about sedation, pain killing, distraction, avoidance, escapism, hoping someone else solves the problem, maintaining a permanent childhood, never having the bravery to face the pain head on (in its’ natural state) and never morphing into a full adult. So when the self destructive person experiences pain and fear, they apply even harder their programmed coping mechanism of self destruction, in order to re-establish control inside a life rocked by the trauma.

The same can be said about the healthy friend. He developed a coping mechanism of healthier living, logical analysis and rational problem solving when he experiences pain or fear. What ever the reaction is that a person develops to fear, it’s always about trying to regain control in a chaotic situation, in order get our bearings again and move forward in the right direction. Our coping mechanisms are our way of riding out the storm until it passes…………but here’s the point of the post. Who’s storm is going to pass? Who has developed a functional coping mechanism to fear and who has developed a dysfunctional coping mechanism? If your coping mechanisms to pain only accelerate your pain, your pain only grows and your dysfunctional behavior grows as well. With this coping mechanism, the storm never passes……and the storm only gets bigger until it capsizes the ship.

What coping mechanisms to pain and fear have you developed? Do you eat ice cream? Do you shop more, when you’re already in too much debt? To you engage in dangerous sexual activity? Do you drink booze? Do you lose yourself in the TV? Do you gossip and run people down? Do you withdraw and go distant? Do you smoke weed or cigarettes? I’ll soon be finishing a 2 hour mp3 coaching recording for self sabotage and it will include a full review of what causes dysfunctional coping mechanisms and what to do about them, in order to make a better life for yourself and your loved ones. It’s time to move forward and evolve into the full adult you were always meant to be.