The better question is, “are you a self abuser?” It’s a more harsh question but there’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, if you end up testing that you are. That’s the first step to healing. The key to overcoming self sabotage or what I call self abuse is to understand exactly how this cycle works, so we can see it operating in real time, and then make intelligent adjustments to help steer us toward our best life. The most unfortunate part of our society is that we live in a culture that not only produces self abusive citizens en masse (because of the fear based environment our culture honors and celebrates) but our society also refrains purposely from teaching people what self sabotage is, what drives it and how to work through it.

Self sabotage today has become so common that people can’t seem to recognize it. It’s sort of the equivalent of asking a fish to describe water. The fish might even say, “what’s water?” and of course the irony is that the fish swims in water and is completely surrounded by it at all times.  Today I routinely meet the most self abusive people imaginable, using their bodies as flogging posts most of the day, but if you were to explain to them that they’re self abusing or self sabotaging, they wouldn’t understand and may be highly offended that you’re actually hinting that the art of investing their time and money into killing themselves isn’t logical or rational behavior.

I will review next the basics of self sabotage so the list of self sabotaging behavior below will be a little easier to understand. I will also explain the motivation behind the illogical behaviors, which drive the self destructive and self abusive lifestyle. Think about the list below as a psychological profile of someone who’s a self abuser. Psychological profiles are characteristic lists, which provide us a telescope into someone’s past. In regards to self sabotage, the past experiences that drive the self abusive behavior is more often than not…….fear experienced in childhood.

The fear in childhood triggers a rewiring of the mind to often seek safety and security as the #1 priority in someone’s life and this subconscious need (it’s not a want, it’s a need) takes over the person’s life on most levels. So the fear comes first in childhood, something our culture is based on more than we care to admit. After that the fear rewires the mind to place safety and security as the #1 requirement in that person’s life. At that time, the self abusive behavior begins as a by product of that mandatory requirement. I’ll also leave a link at the bottom of this article to help a person make peace with their inner saboteur and at a later date I’ll list the fear based experiences that drown most children today in a tsunami of terror and trauma, which our culture more than gladly puts children through because most of the adults in our society today were traumatized as children themselves and have lost touch with their God given humanity because of that trauma. More on that later. Now for the list of behaviors that can help someone determine if that are a TRUE abuser and self saboteur. Having one behavior on this list MEANS NOTHING. Please remember that. Having several does mean something. Having lots means you maybe need to read the article linked at the bottom of this article, in order to start the healing process.

1. Drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, smoking marijuana, the use of any prescribed or over the counter pain killer, junk food/sugar consumption, coffee and the use of narcotics. All these items have something in common, they’re all sedative pain killers. The pain from our childhood becomes too much to handle, so we sedate to it with pain killers of all kinds. The more pain from the childhood, the more quantity of pain killer used and the greater the chance the traumatized person sandwiches pain killers together, to increase the overall pain killing effects.

2. Drawn to positions of authority, most often in government – the trauma experienced in childhood was so intense that the safety and security involved with taking authority based employment positions in our society is seen as a guaranteed way (by the subconscious mind) to lessen the chance that more trauma will be experienced.  Unfortunately people who were abused by power, often believe that’s it normal to abuse power. This way the entire dysfunctional mess only gets paid forward to the people around the abuse victim. The saying is, “hurt people, hurt people”. Sometimes work addiction to acquire wealth (and therefore security) can be placed in this category. The work addiction and the need to acquire wealth never goes away because the fear driving the cycle is never resolved.

3. Has problems developing deep meaningful, long lasting, relationships. A traumatized person was often hurt and abused by someone they loved and trusted, so loving and trusting again isn’t that easy to organize in the damaged psyche. Everything is great when things are kept on a superficial level with an abuse victim but when love and connection come up, the abuse victim often runs from or destroys the love and connection offered. Abuse victims are often heavily polluted as well regarding point #1, so to say they’re hard to be around and connect to, would be an understatement. The mind can’t work inside a toxic soup and either can the heart. Get all these points moving in unison and you can see where the word self sabotage comes into the picture, to describe what’s being observed.

4. Sexual fantasy, frequent pornography and sex is often forefront in the mind. Orgasm, although short in duration, is listed as one of the most powerful pain killers on the planet, so abused people who are in desperate need to kill pain and sedate themselves to their reality (constantly)  are often overly sexual or sexually aggressive. Not that complex when you know the cycle. Unfortunately someone who is traumatized rewires the mind to look at members of the opposite sex as toys of pleasure, absent of connection, which can lead to all sorts of other relationship issues. Self abusers, formed by being abused or scared in their past, can make their adult life look like one perpetual crisis that never ends.

5. Easily drawn to the fashions, materialism or trends of the day – because safety and security becomes the primary drive of the abuse victim, fitting in with the herd becomes the #1 priority. All the new fashions and the hip material items say outwardly “don’t hurt me, I’m one of the herd……don’t hurt me, I’m with the in crowd.” We must remember that an abuse victim is already so full of trauma in the psyche, that they can’t take even one more drop of potential conflict or attack. This need to fit in at all costs with the herd, through the latest fashions and material acquisitions, often sees the abuse victim bankrupt throughout their entire adulthood. Trauma victims place logic to the side completely and focus on safety only, even if it means they suffer quietly inside themselves. To abuse victims, outward appearances play a key role in navigating the trauma based society safely and without conflict. Our culture is a wall to wall mental asylum and that’s why people make these insane adaptations to their insane environment. There’s nothing wrong with infants when they arrive on this planet. The fear our society is drowning in is solely responsible for the large group of dysfunctional adults we observe today. There is healing to be found, in the article linked at the bottom of this page.

6. The outer appearance of violence is common – shirts with skulls, violent imaginary on clothing or body language, working out to build big muscles, sometimes turning to steroids of growth hormone to gain size and strength, tattoos are popular, violent pets like Rottweilers, Pitt Bulls or other violent animals, military or police service or the wearing of military clothing, liking or playing violent sports, may have martial arts, UFC or some other violence experience BUT sometimes uses it to BULLY, swears often, acts tough, may play violent video games or is drawn to violent movies, TV, shows etc etc. All these items are meant to say to the outside world, “back off, don’t come any closer, I can’t take one more drop of conflict or trauma…..so I’m putting up this act as the best way to protect myself or I’m going to bully others before they bully me.”  An abuse victim wants to stop people at the surface because just under the surface they’re scared. Until the fear is addressed, a life of perpetual crisis based in childhood behavior, will always continue.

7. Often known as a good guy or nice lady – because the fear of the herd and the intense fear of conflict haunts the abuse victim at all times, they often make it their day’s work to NEVER OFFEND anyone, coming off as the perpetual optimist, who will always agree with anything you say. They never debate, never have an opinion of their own, never speak up if they’re getting taken advantage of and live a life of being reflexively obedient to others, especially authority figures. This type of person is prime to be mutilated and poisoned to death by the conventional medical system, because of they’re switch blade reaction to agree with everything they’re told. We often find this type of person poisoned and cut to death prematurely by the conventional medical system. This switch blade reaction to suppress self for the benefit of others, can lead to some very serious mental health issues and split personality syndromes that I will talk about in other articles.

8. Short term thinker – because a trauma victim becomes hard wired to seek safety at all costs, they often get caught up in short term thinking, which does eventually cause them extra pain and confusion down the road. For example, if all the cool kids are wearing a particular style that season, the trauma victim who wants to be part of the herd for safety reasons, will run out and purchase that item or fashion, regardless if they have the money or not. When someone applies this “instant safety and pleasure principle” to all facets of their life, they often get caught up in running out of money, awkward relationship situations with multiple partners and basically many other uncomfortable situations that end in extra pain and trauma. Buying something you can’t afford only makes sense if you think short term. Making out with a co worker in the broom closet, when you’re already married, only makes sense if you think short term. Joining the army, to maybe get killed for $13 hour, only makes sense if you think short term. Most of our society runs on short term thinking.  The ultimate act of short term thinking is lying, as a way to avoid dealing with one’s current reality, only to deal with the consequences of the lie minutes, hours or days later.  Most liars have been extremely traumatized as children and use the lies to please the person they’re around, if only for minutes, before the truth comes out. Lying is like arranging safety in your life for only minutes or hours at a time, until the truth comes out, and that’s when the trauma victim lies once again. This illogical act of coping (lying) is the antithesis of short term thinking and is a dead give away that you’re dealing with a victim of childhood trauma, in most cases.

Lets leave it there for now, regarding a psychological profile of a trauma victim, which often leads to a life of perpetual crisis and self abuse. As promised, please click here for a very good article to help start the healing.