The basis of overcoming addiction and making peace with your inner saboteur is to approach the challenge with truth, knowledge and courage. I myself was an addict programmed to self abuse, because of various societal traumas that we consider normal and acceptable in our culture. Self abuse, addiction and self sabotaging behaviors are very common in our society because the traumas in our society are also common.
When a child or adult is placed in fear, that fear energy will be processed and dealt with, sort of like how our body processes the food we consume. The trauma then needs to be eliminated and removed from us, like we eliminate our food waste. With eliminating trauma it can get tricky because the people who often traumatize us are people in positions of authority over us, so we’re afraid to eliminate the negative energy upon them. The only other option left is for us to eliminate that stress energy upon ourselves, which is why self abuse and self destruction ends up being a part of our lives. We aren’t really given a process to expel our pain or heal from our trauma. This means the trauma can repeat itself in our mind (like a broken record) and therefore our self abusive behaviors also become repetitive.
Many trauma and abuse victims can no longer remember what exactly happened to them and often ask, “how do I even know I carry trauma and pain that needs dealing with……….I feel fine, really……the past is the past.” This is an important question, “how do you know if you carry unhealed trauma and pain?” Well, the easiest way to assess if someone carries inner pain is to look at their behavior. If their behavior lacks self care, self respect, self love, self worth and self esteem during every minute of every day……….then we know trauma is present because trauma is proven to steal those wonderful attributes from a person, as we’re all born with those beautiful intrinsic and self protective qualities. If someone is poisoning themselves or hurting themselves in anyway, by their own hand, there’s an under current of pain that flows just under the surface. Until that pain is vented out of the body, self love can’t re-enter to re-balance the energetic operation of the body/mind/spirit complex. Try this 10 step program to move things in the right direction..
1. Realize trauma is often a result of a REAL ADULT not being present to protect a child when a child needed protection. Whether physical, sexual or medical trauma etc……..when trauma enters the field of a child, it’s because a REAL ADULT wasn’t present to protect that child…..as an adult is charged to do by the creator, who has sent us all here. There may have been children in adult bodies present during the trauma, but a REAL ADULT never (under any circumstances) permits fear or harm to come to any child in their presence. A REAL ADULT would rather die than see harm come to the innocent and defenseless. Child, animal or otherwise.
2. Understand that the tension, pressure and anxiety you feel, which drives your need to sedate with addiction, comes from the hurt inner child trying to continually process their pain and trauma. Understand your need to escape and sedate to that pain, is how you maintain your constant disconnection with your hurt inner child. By doing this, you continually become the adult lacking in your hurt inner child’s life, which keeps your hurt inner child in perpetual terror.
3. Until you and your hurt inner child join hands, trust again and walk into the future together, there can be no peace in your life or their life as well. You are your hurt inner child, they are you.
4. Come to grips with the fact that many of the every day rituals in our society are traumatizing by definition. Everything from circumcision to induced births with medical chemicals and from feeding a child formula (as opposed to breast feeding) to not co-sleeping with the new born………..starts the trauma based process rocketing through the child’s nervous system very early in life. Again, the deepest traumas will be forgotten by the conscious mind, never by the subconscious. The quantity of self abusive behavior exhibited by a person in their adult years is what gives away how much trauma was processed through their nervous system as children.
5. The build up to making contact with your hurt inner child will have to be proceeded by months or even years of healthy living, in order to imprint ADULT based behaviors into your psyche. What is crucial to understand is that healthy living is the ultimate repetitive action that can regenerate the self love, self respect, self worth and self esteem that trauma is famous for stealing and destroying. You must start caring about how you treat yourself, as the very first step to healing. You need to CARE AGAIN and CONNECT. That starts with caring and connecting with yourself, and works its’ way out to others. The reason for this will become obvious later. The information in this book and in this book can help start the health journey.
6. The build up to real ADULTHOOD must include the definition of what a REAL ADULT is, obviously. A REAL ADULT is an easy concept to explain and implement. A child thinks of what’s going to happen 5, 10 or 15 minutes from now. A REAL ADULT thinks of what’s going to happen 5, 10 or 15 years from now. In order to make peace with your inner saboteur and break free of addiction, an addict must learn to judge their own decisions and behaviors extremely critically and harshly, but without shame or guilt. Is the behavior you’re exhibiting that of a child or an adult? If you’re not thinking of the future and how to make your long term future more prosperous, moral, ethical, caring and loving on every level…….you’re most likely behaving as a child. Child based behavior has to go if you want to heal and lead for your hurt inner child.
7. When you’re ready and you only have one shot at this (to get this right) envision your hurt inner child coming toward you, which is you at 5 years of age. Look at them. Remember what innocence is and why it needs protecting. Protection and trust, at all cost, is your mission. Your hurt inner child is scared and it’s time a REAL ADULT came on scene to protect them. Remember that a traumatized child can ONLY be produced when a REAL ADULT was ABSENT. That child will only find peace when a REAL ADULT leads for them and protects them in real time, day in and day out. Guess who that REAL ADULT has to be? It’s you………I REPEAT…. IT’S YOU!
8. Kneel down in front of the little and scared you. Reach out your hand. Go ahead, look at the scared little you……right in the eye. Be strong for them. You got one shot here. Tell that hurt inner child that a REAL ADULT has now arrived. Don’t let them down because a REAL ADULT never would.
9. My REAL ADULT, inside of myself, will now talk to you in this point and point 10. This is straight from adult Jason right here. Pull it together. Adult up. REAL ADULTS don’t smoke dope or do drugs or drink or eat junk food or shop for things they don’t need, with money they don’t have…. because again that’s not thinking 5, 10 or 15 years down the road. These are the actions of a child and your inner child isn’t going to trust another child to take care of them. REAL ADULTS don’t lie to themselves or others. REAL ADULTS are moral, ethical and fair at all times. REAL ADULTS protect the innocent and defenseless children with their own death if need be. REAL ADULTS fear nothing, not even death. REAL ADULTS don’t follow the immoral and self serving crowd. REAL ADULTS lead, protect and know how to spot a child in an adult body, a mile away. Be such a immense force that your morality and courage arrives at least 10 minutes before you, everywhere you go. Our society is designed to abuse and traumatize daily. Learn the tricks. Protect yourself. Be a warrior of morality, ethics and fairness for all the innocent and defenseless creatures around you. Be the REAL ADULT you are charged to be. Failure is not an option.
10. Don’t blow it. Your hurt inner child needs to trust you and they don’t expect perfection, they expect progress. Progress means you get better every day…..day in and day out. You get healthier, more empowered, more educated, more skillful, stronger, more moral, more ethical, more just, more fair, more focused on becoming more and you dedicate to fulfilling your destiny. Again, perfection is never the goal. It’s about trust and never breaking that trust, in order to find inner peace, so the pain goes away for the both of you. No pain = no addictions needed to sedate the pain. When pain does come up, REAL ADULTS don’t run, hide or sedate to that pain. A REAL ADULT looks at pain, stands in it, ponders options and acts rationally. Sedating from pain with addiction is the behavior of a child. Progress within yourself and your life is the goal….so that when your hurt inner child looks out daily to see who’s steering the ship, they see a REAL ADULT they can trust. At that point, you can walk hand in hand with your hurt inner child, into your best future. You never needed anything outside yourself. You just needed you. Never break the trust again. Never let harm come anymore to your inner child. Adult up.
Ask any question in the comment box below. That’s how I quit additions with cocaine, steroids, alcohol, sex and many other rituals of self serving child based behaviors. Adult up. It’s time.
Jason, I owe many heartfelt thanks for this contribution to my own growth and progress. I finally understand my addictions and relapses, and how they relate to my subconscious memories that I have yet to consciously process. I appreciate your perspective and outlook. Thank you again.
Andrew – I feel your pain, we all feel it. We are all in this together. This planet isn’t so nice at times, especially to the children. Together we can power forward and there will be some draw backs at times but we can make progress. Onwards and upwards. Thank you for writing in.
Thank you Jason for a powerful article . Number 1 hit me in a way I didn’t expect. There wasn’t an adult present to a trauma that happened to me at the age of 6, which I believe has led to many co dependent behaviours with my parents and people in authority.
I have made great strides over the years in releasing unhealthy addictions and becoming very self aware and now I am ready to let go and become a REAL ADULT.
Many thanks to you my friend and when we meet in person, I am giving you a big hug.
Patrick
I see your hug and raise you a bigger hug back. You’re doing well and better days are coming your way. See you there. Cheers Patrick.
Thank you for this article Jason, there is so much truth in it and I see these truths in my experience & the experiences of those around me. As a parent of a 6 & 5 yr old, I know I have contributed to their traumas, in particular with my 6yr old. Both children were vaccinated, I breast fed for only 7 & 9mths due to my own anxieties, and with my first child I didn’t allow co-sleeping, mainly due to the man child I mistakenly chose to father my children. Your description of our anxieties being the energy needed to make change is so poignant for me. During the years I was with my now ex, I suffered intense bouts of anxiety which I suppressed & would then become depressive phases, especially after the kids were born. These anxieties I now recognise as being alarms for me to make a change. It took a long time but it’s done now, and despite being a single mother & still having to deal with the man child to some degree, my anxiety is gone without the use of external sedators. I’m wondering if you know ways to help children overcome early trauma? As I’m now more aware, & in a position to change the way I do things, I realise the traumas I have caused to my boys and would like to help them overcome them now so they are not carrying them into their adult years. Thanks again,
Fernanda
Well described Fernanda. I am very happy to read what you have written. It’s now time. You know what to do. Happy my journey helped you and now you can help yourself and pay it forward to others. As we live as true adults, we heal others around us, who need someone to look up to and mimic. Cheers
Thank you for this post Jason. I have been in therapy for 8 months so far recovering from some incredible trauma. The last part I’m struggling with is my sugar and comfort eating addiction. This post has finally brought clarity to my mind. It’s time for the REAL ADULT to steer the ship. This totally explains to me why I keep failing when I try to stay abstinent from bingeing and why I feel I can’t trust myself. It’s my inner child that doesn’t trust me because I’m acting like a child. Time for me to grow up. Thank you for writing this brilliant post.
That’s as strong a recovery statement has anyone is going to make Chris. Keep moving forward. Get behind the wheel of that ship and sail it into calmer waters.
After writing this reply to you I embarked on a 12 month journey of not standing up to or setting boundaries to sexual harrassment in the workplace by my manager. I didn’t want to lose my job. By the end of it my inner child was raging. I gained 2 stone, my health went drastically down hill, I comfort ate and did anything to numb the pain. I developed severe anxiety and my CPTSD surfaced which I now have to live with every day. I eventually reported my boss and spent 5 months in a spiral of self abuse, anger and fear of men. My inner child has become so afraid of anything that involves men due to past traumas like rape and the situation with my boss that it doesn’t want to do anything. Not even connect with my husband. You see my inner child stopped trusting me last year. I didn’t stand up for myself like I always did in the past. I put up and shut up when my boss was grinding me down. My inner child now feels that it’s no longer safe with me in control because I let us suffer for so long and with so much pain. I was also bullied by a jealous co worker at the time. I’m currently working on rebuilding my inner child’s trust and showing it that I wasn’t strong enough when we went through the struggle with my boss. I was afraid too and I failed her. But that I am strong enough now. I am going to try and regain my inner child’s trust by showing myself that I can keep us safe from predatory men in the future by setting boundaries regardless of the risk in any situation. I’ve been in pain for so many years. I’m desperate to get my life and health back. I miss the freedom I used to feel. I used to be so bold and confident. I want that back. Thank you for this post Jason. You are spot on.
Nice work Chris. Well done……….
The adults of my childhood tried to dominate me with their will about healthy activities like sports and music. This domination was violent but the mind fuck was even worse. How to make your child play their violin for 10 hours is a feat of monumental abuse on many levels. And when the child outsmarts the adult, the abuse from the ego becomes damaging on any levels. Flipside.
Many child raising tactics in our society are abusive and we need to explore this area if we want to heal. Our culture is very child abusive on all levels. I am sorry for you pain Nina. I write for myself and for people like you as well. I hope the article helped a bit.
Hi Jason
I think I am finally healing. Your article definitely helps more than a bit. I have the strength to do this and a big motivator will be the wave of sanity washing away the bullshit from many young people around me.
The far side of sanity.
Great post.
That’s the article l’ve been waiting decades for! I get it now, the pieces fall in place. Will do that process asap.
Thankyou for your service Jason.
Happy you like my work Damon. Cheers
Thank you Jason. This is a heart hitting article. Tears rolled down my face reading it. Sharing with everyone.
Thank you for all the brilliant work you do! I loved this article. It was just what I needed to hear.
Always a pleasure Carolyn.
This is my favorite thing you have written. Thank you for all you do.
All of this really rings true for me Jason! Thank you for this work and I will be sharing and reviewing. As I continue to grow (even at age 59) this is going to be helpful! I will check out your other information.
I have been through a very difficult year. Divorce, financial ruin and through it all I have remained sober and somewhat positive. I met a new woman and fell in love and suddenly these triggers I hadn’t felt since high school started popping up. Meditation, prayer, therapy…nothing seemed to work to lessen the anxiety. And then I heard a couple of things and read this and a shift happened in my life. The adult is back in control. All it took was for me to see how I had given up and let the inner trauma child take over the controls. This article has made a profound change in my life. I read it two weeks ago and I’m (the adult) still in control
Thanks Jason
Bang………..nicely done Troy. Adult up. That’s all you needed.
This post struck a chord for myself and my grown son.I have wallowed in my life traumas for over 60 yrs. As a result I have a son in his forties wallowing as well and causing traumas for his children. You have put out the the challenge so for all the generations of my little family I must take up that challenge. Thank you for caring.